Monday, April 12, 2021

The smallest color of the smallest day

I made notes to myself about what I was going to write here:

the bird in the stove
the dogs about town

The dogs about town? No idea. But the bird in the stove is a sad story, too sad for today. Today is for Internet Archaeology!

In the course of my actual paid work, I see some things. (Here I imagine what these things would be if I were, say, an ER surgeon or a tugboat captain or a private investigator.) What follows is just a small sampling of those things.

DO YOU SEE the ugly pants the Internets are trying to sell me?

I have no idea where this came from, but it seems about right.


DIY inspo

Local reviews:

I agree, far too many minimulistic arsthetic box types buildings


How fortunate I am that in this life I am one who has been allowed to create beauty with nap.

Monday, March 22, 2021

Pretend it's spring

On the beach, a sweet puppy named Townes, browned butter-colored with patches of white, a white heart on top of his head. "My boyfriend just learned to play Pancho and Lefty on his guitar," said the puppy's person. "That song makes me cry," I said, my eyes welling with tears. 

I raked leaves all weekend, revealing sweet-smelling dirt and the surviving crocuses just barely peeking through the earth (the ones the squirrels didn't eat in the fall). A cluster of tiny green shoots had exploded with purple blossoms by the end of the day, like magic.

Someone in my elderly next door neighbor's house was playing the violin. I couldn't hear it, but I could see through the window.

I took off my jacket! Ate my lunch in the yard! Even made an afternoon iced coffee! Fifty-five fucking degrees!!

Sunday, March 21, 2021


I loved the details
But not the movie itself.
Truth: my mind wandered.

Friday, March 05, 2021

I like a look of Agony

Content warning: food talk, implied digestive distress, diet-adjacent language, mostly just...boring.

My latent digestive issues have flared up over the course of...all this...because of course they have. It's all too tedious to describe, just to say that I had created a false memory of a low-FODMAP eating trial that had been inconclusive. In my mind, this happened years ago:  I tried cutting out FODMAPs and it was terrible, and I got no relief from my unmentionable symptoms. In reality, I apparently only researched such an eating style and found it too horrifying to contemplate. 

So, my symptoms have become not fun lately, and I decided to give it an actual shot.

If you're wondering what scared me off the first time around — me, a person who has been happily vegetarian, pescatarian, vegan, for very long stretches of time, as well as easily gluten- and dairy-free for shorter lengths in my attempts to pin down what I've been eating that makes me feel bad.* I've given up coffee! Totally cut out sugar! I've avoided nightshades! Soy! I've done an elimination diet (sorry, was trying to avoid that word, one of my least favorites) — well, I'll tell you. 

The boring/sciency part: FODMAPs are fermentable oligosaccharides, disaccharides, monosaccharides, and polyols, short-chain carbohydrates that include familiar sugars like lactose and fructose. So people who have trouble digesting these guys are basically intolerant, not just of lactose and milk products, but potentially a whole bunch more foods.** Eliminating foods that are high in FODMAPs is a short-term strategy to get symptoms under control, and then you add foods back in one at a time to figure out the things that are trying to kill you. 

So, it's 2-6 weeks of cutting almost all of them out, then a few months adding things back in. The appalling part is that this eating plan is like a devious torture created by an evil sociopathic registered dietician. Blueberries are fine, and so are strawberries and strawberry jam, but no blueberry jam. No peaches, apples, or pears. No garlic or onions (that's the part that made me cry the first time around). You can have leeks and green onions, but only the green part. Almonds, yes! But only 10 per serving. Walnuts, yes; cashews, no. Hard cheese is fine, eggs, meats, firm tofu (but no soft tofu or soy milk). NO BEANS. No beans. Like six broccoli florets at a time, no cauliflower or Brussels sprouts. Kale is okay, and spinach and lettuce. Maple syrup is a go, but no honey. No wheat. Oats are fine. Here's one that kills me: ripe bananas are high-FODMAP, but you can have a GREEN BANANA. 1/8 of an avocado.

You can see why I ran screaming from this before and pretended I'd given it a try.

So if I make my own everything (vegetable broth, chicken broth, granola, garlic-infused olive oil — it's okay to infuse a fat with garlic, as long as you throw the garlic away, but you can't cook garlic in water, like in a stock). I can more or less eat a more or less normal diet.

The timing couldn't be better, though! I have time to make my own stock and granola, we're only cooking for two around here. With my special bread and lactose-free milk products, I hardly even notice the difference (cue only very slightly hysterical laughter).

*all of this under the guidance of a gastroenterologist, and after ruling out terrible things and being tested for celiac disease, etc.

**a t-shirt that reads ASK ME ABOUT FODMAPS

Sunday, February 28, 2021


David's cowboy boots,
good dirt, Mountain Dew, card games,
"Stop fighting" airplanes.