Friday, August 12, 2011

portland i love you but you're bringing me down

portland. begging your pardon, but you're kind of getting on my nerves today. it's one of those days when the city seems to be full of two kinds of people: unfriendly, scrawny, tattooed hipsters and overly-friendly, scrawny, tattooed meth* addicts pushing strollers. besides the strollers, the way you can tell the difference is that the hipsters have white, expensively-straightened teeth. the addicts have significantly fewer teeth.

then i have to remind myself: the woman at gogi is so nice, as is the man at yordprom. the hipster barista didn't mean to offend when she called me "ma'am," nor did the addict-dad who advised me to get mirrored sunglasses so i could see behind me and be able to tell when someone's checking out my ass.




*or heroin? oxycontin? "bath salts"?

4 comments:

Melissa Crowe said...

I can say nothing comforting except this: you don't need the glasses. Everyone is checking out your ass. :-)

mama d said...

Hey, what about the thrilling interlude you spent chez moi, where there was neither a hipster nor an addict in sight? That's part of Portland too! But actually what I meant to say is that I need to get out more and this is a really, really funny post.

mama d said...

Oh, excusez-moi! I see now that this post was from yesterday.....

liz woodbury said...

melissa, that cheers me immensely. mama d, it is always a pleasure, and i didn't see a single addict with a stroller when i was in your 'hood today!