Saturday, August 23, 2008

breathing deeply

every once in a while, it really hits me that bean is going to be living in a foreign country, one huge ocean away, for almost an entire year. mostly, when i think about it, i feel this surge of excitement on her behalf. it's almost as if i were the one doing it (i don't know if it's a mom thing or not, but i often feel this way -- i tend to get stage fright when either of my kids is about to perform or speak in front of a group, for example. although they themselves do not, strangely enough). also, i feel incredibly proud of her bravery for 1) wanting to do it 2) deciding to do it 3) making it happen, and 4) DOING it. i know i wouldn't have been that brave when i was 15-almost-16, and i don't think i'd even be that brave now. i really don't feel sad or wish she'd change her mind or anything like that, because of those previously stated emotions, but i can imagine how much i'll miss her company. plus, there's that underlying parental anxiety around just not knowing what she's doing/where she is/how she's feeling/ who she's with at any given moment. THAT's the part that has me contemplating my breaths. shallow little hyperventilation-type breaths. i am seriously planning to start meditating for real this year.

she leaves one week from today! she and m will drive to cambridge on saturday to spend the night, then drive to baltimore on sunday. tuesday afternoon is when he actually leaves her at the afs orientation. today we bought toothpaste, shampoo, and other assorted toiletries. there are few items left that haven't been crossed off the to-do list...

6 comments:

charlotte said...

oh my god.

margot said...

you don't need to worry about me! i will be careful, you know i will. i will miss you so much. i love you, mom.

Anonymous said...

I am happy to breathe deeply with you at any point...or just take a walk.
Dancer

Andreas said...

Breath deeply! And start mediation, like Sabine did to clear and free her mind to make room for new impressions. What you have to experiance is the parents view. Your child is stronger than you believe and she has to go her own way, sometimes earlier, somtimes later. But it is her life!

Mary said...

As Margot's mana, I share all your pride & anxiety from a generation removed & as your mom, I am incredibly proud of YOUR bravery for the way you've always supported her without holding her back - & let her go without pushing her. It's such a delicate dance & you are so graceful. we will all be breathing in & breathing out with you - & eager to read the news from Germany! XOX

lizzie lou said...

thanks for all the great comments! and i'm NOT worried about you, margot -- i know you're going to have an amazing year, and i can't WAIT to hear about it!!!